


Time and Tears

by h2j0404



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:24:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h2j0404/pseuds/h2j0404
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...although you can only remember things from the past, it doesn’t mean you can’t forget it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time and Tears

Opening his eyes for the first time that morning, Hyukjae tried to change his sleeping position to a seating one. He tried to remember what his dream was that made him awake. But just as everyone had experienced, the memory of dreams quickly faded away even before it was tried to be remembered.

Hyukjae then ignored the oddness of the morning as he realized a thing. It’s a day he’d planned to go to a date with Donghae in the zoo. An old fashioned way to go on dates but had already beautifully planned.

He smiled remembering it as he reached his cell phone to make a call to the person he is in relationship with. He wanted to remind him to get up early so that they could spend more time together later. He dialed his number but his call didn’t get picked up. He frowned upon it. He concluded that the other was still asleep. He called his number once more hoping that his call could wake him up. A few rings and it still didn’t get picked up, Hyukjae stood and started to pace around his bedroom, his habit when he felt something odd but don’t know what it is.

Before he reached the end of the room where his comfortable couch was placed, he felt his feet hit something that made him stop. He saw an unfamiliar box on the floor. He was confused because he didn’t remember placing it there. He decided to end the call that was still unpicked up and looked inside the box.

He sat on the velvet couch he owned and placed the box on his lap. He then removed the cover of the box and arched his eyebrows when seeing a stack of papers he didn’t know what is. He thought that maybe his mom placed them there but he was not really sure her mom would do that.

He picked the paper that was on top of the stack, folded it open and immediately remembered what it is. It was something he wrote yesterday but he didn’t remember putting it in the box though. He had read it over and over last night before decided to end the writing but he felt like reading it again. And so he read,

_I feel really different today. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I think it’s because I’m going to go to a date with Donghae tomorrow and the fact that I’m starting to do this girly thing. I don’t think it is not at all girly when you write a letter to yourself for you to read some time in the future. I got this idea from our noona, Sora. She had already done it since last January and she has been doing it for 3 months now. She let me read one of the letters and told me that I should make one too. She said that it would help me remembering things I might forget._

_So since I’m just starting to do this today, I don’t get so many ideas coming to my head. But since I’m really excited with my date with Donghae tomorrow and I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I think I should write some things about him I might forget._

_Donghae is the person I really love. He’s really sweet to me but sometimes is over-protective. We met for the first time at the university. We were from different faculty and it just happened like what it happens on movies. We collided and yes we both fell in love at the first sight. I remembered he confessed to me at the university’s rooftop. Again, it happened like what it happens in romance stories. I don’t know but I always feel like we’re the main character in a fairytale that has happy ending._

_He likes watching Finding Nemo. I remembered we used to have a quarrel because of it. He kept watching it nonstop and kept replaying it again and again. I didn’t actually dislike the cartoon but it started to get boring for me and I wanted to watch the other films too. We gave each other silent treatment after for quite a time but of course we both couldn’t stand it and apologize to each other and finally we made it up._

_After writing the memory of our quarrel and remembering it all over again. It made me kind of lose my mood to write more about him. Well, it’s not actually much I have written but I can always write about him some time in the future._

_If you’re reading this again tomorrow, enjoy your date!_

_Lee Hyukjae_

_23rd March, 2008_

Hyukjae smiled after reading it and proceeded to the next unknown paper. He unfolded it and as the letters that formed the words in the paper exposed, he was double confused. It was his handwriting. But he didn’t know when he had written it. He didn’t remember.

_Lee Hyukjae, if life gets hard, just keep looking on the bright side. If life gets confusing, keep trying to solve a problem and you’ll find a way to solve another._

_The writer of this letter is you. You just don’t remember you are. Today is not 24th March 2008, if you feel it is, you’re wrong. You don’t remember you have gone through that day, a long time ago. Just keep reading before you got confused and you’ll find the answer._

_Today, I woke up with a strange feeling. I had a dream where there are strange people I don’t know. The dream was about work. But not the work I previously worked on. I was really confused. People say you wouldn’t dream of people you hadn’t met. You must have met them before but maybe you couldn’t just remember who they were. But I was sure I haven’t met them before._

_Or have I?_

_This thing might as well happened today before you read this letter. No, if you’re thinking that it’s probably some kind of prank people got you in, it’s not. I’m trying to let you know. Because you can’t remember. Today is not the day you’ll be going on the date with Donghae. If you’re going to prepare yourself, stop doing it because you’re not going to go on a date with Donghae._

_You might be really confused now, I’ll explain._

_Hyukjae continued to read the contain of the letter, he was very confused, and very much in disbelief. The rest part of the letter was kind of blurry. Like the ink of the pen that was transferred to the paper in a form of words had faded._

_In 24th March 2008, the day you remembered is today you got into an accident when you and Donghae was on the way to the zoo. The car he’s driving crashed into another car from the opposite direction whose driver was drunk. In the box where this letter was once in, there was a cut from the newspaper regarding this accident. But just continue to read this letter before you search for it._

_Because of this accident, you suffer Anterograde Amnesia or people usually call it short term memory loss. You are not able to remember the things happen after 23rd March after you woke up from sleep the next day. You wake up every day remembering that it’s 24th March when you’ll be having a date with Donghae, when it’s actually not._

_Next morning, you’ll again feel something different but you’ll not remember what I have told you in this letter and you’ll again think that day as 24th March, when you’ll be having your date with Donghae._

_If you need more information about this condition, in the box I have as well included the medical information and medical records of it. But please just continue to read this letter._

_You were in coma for about 3 months. You woke up for the first time after the accident in 18th June 2008. Everyone was happy that you woke up. That you have successfully survived._

_But you were not because you found out later that day that Donghae didn’t._

_Donghae passed away at 25th March 2008. A day after the accident._

_Remember the letter you wrote yourself at 23rd March? In the letter it said that you’re going to write more about Donghae. But you never wrote it again and you’ll never be able to write more. He’s gone._

_I actually hate how happy I sounded in that letter, and how different I do in this one. But I want to always remind you one thing, although you can only remember things from the past, it doesn’t mean you can’t forget it. I want you to always remember that you loved him, and that you’ll always do. I want you to always have him in your mind, like how he also used to have you in his mind._

_You are now working as a photographer. A job you had and have the ability in so that you can still be working despite of your condition. The appointments are on your to-do-list application in your phone. And the list of the people in your workplace that you need to know is on your laptop. You don’t have to be worried about this job, because I’m sure you can do it._

_I am you and you are me. We’re the same person just from different dimension of time. You might read this letter the next day after I wrote it, weeks later, or even years later. You might not remember since when you have became so tough like I am. But you have to know that I was too, struggling when I wrote this letter. I struggled so that you don’t have to busy your parents because of your condition. I was told that before I wrote this. I kept telling the same thing to them every morning,_

_“Mom, dad, I have to go to Donghae’s place. Something’s wrong with him.”_

_They were so sad and they that had to explain the same truth over and over again. That I suffer Anterograde Amnesia because of that accident, that it was not 24th March as I remembered it was, that Donghae’s gone, that the truth made me hurt._

_I know you suffered a lot when reading this, the same way like how I did when I wrote this. Please make sure to make a precise copy when the contain of this letter had faded too much because of time and tears. Please don’t change anything to make it less suffering for you when you read this the next time. I want you to do, because that way you would know the truth, because you wouldn’t remember._

_One last thing you have to know, Donghae’s phone you were calling is in your wardrobe. Don’t forget to renew the credits and charged it when the battery runs out, because the connected phone line is the only way for you to be led to this letter._

_Lee Hyukjae, 16 December 2009_

The letter became even blurry after he read it. With teary eyes, Hyukjae booted his laptop and looked for that day’s date. It is 20th August of 2010, more than two years ahead the date he thought would be that day. His mind still refused to believe what the letter had taught him.

But deep inside his heart, he already did.

_Waking up, not knowing that I had gone past time and tears,_

_I feel really different today_


End file.
